In May, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy for a friend. As a surrogate, I was prepared to work through the separation of the baby to his parents and the physical toll being pregnant and giving birth would have on my body. What I was not prepared for was the toll it would take on my emotional and mental well being.
When I had my daughter 9 years ago, I was lucky enough to recover fairly quickly. I started back at my 8-5 job after 6 weeks which wasn’t the best, but I bounced back fairly quickly. The emotional side of things went very smoothly, from what I can remember. I left my daughter with my husband and knew she was in perfect hands. The job kept me occupied enough that it was easy enough to go through and things went smoothly.
This birth was a little bit more intense. My recovery thanks to blood loss lasted a lot longer than I was expecting. It’s now been a little over 3 months and I’m back on track physically. Emotionally, though, not so much.
The last couples weeks I’ve been hit by a wave of anxiety that I’ve just recentaly recognized as post partum related. If this had happened with my daughter, that’s fine because I had a job where I show up, do my work and then leave. Being self employed, however, that makes for a very different situation. After slowing down to prepare for the birth and recovery, I’m ramping back up and have some great things planned in the future that I can’t wait to share with you.
That being said, it hasn’t been easy. Every step forward, as I fight through the slog of anxiety, I’m also fighting through imposter syndrome hardcore. Wondering why I’m doing this, why I think I can actually help people, etc. During these moments, I am so thankful for the community I’ve grown around myself and my business to help remind me of my reasons. I’m especially grateful for Nikki Groom and the Mastermind I joined at the beginning of the year. Having a weekly meeting with these amazing women has helped me work through issues and grow the business in a way that I couldn’t have done without them.
One of the things that she’s pushed for me is to put my testimonials out there more blatantly. This has given me a place to look when I’m feeling extra vulnerable. I’ve also gotten more into a pattern to ask for testimonials, which my amazing clients are willing to give, even if they hate writing.
How lucky am I that I get to help these amazing people in the world? When I have a follow up appointment after I do a Magical Business Checkup and see the progress they’ve made, my heart is bursting with pride. This is what I was made for.
Anytime I think differently, I know how to kick myself back into gear so that I can get back to where I should be. I am worth this, the services I provide are valued and anxiety can go fuck itself.
Do you ever experience imposter syndrome? What tricks do you do to help pull you out of it or how do you combat it?